Monday, January 17, 2011

Press Release:: Envirocapitalists: Landfills to Spas

From this:
to this:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, January 17, 2011:
Republican members of Congress, allied under the banner of “Envirocapitalists,” gathered today under the bright glare of January sunshine, on the steps of the Capital, to announce a bill authorizing a new form of subsidy to promote small business development: “The Landfill to Spas Initiative: Making Gas Work for America.

As freshman Congressman, and former Tea Party member, Peter Pompkeneter (R - OH) put it, “We’ve got a lot of gas that needs a purpose, and this bill creates that purpose.” 

His colleague, Chad Hanginzaer (R - FL), interrupted Rep. Pomkeneter to expand on this idea, “When you’ve got so much gas in one place, you really start to think. And that’s what we did, my colleagues and I. The idea that really stood out, just shot right out -- I think Rep. Blomee (R - OK) came out with it: what better use for our otherwise wasted landfill gas than private spas?” 

Blomee jumped in, “Now, we -- entrepreneurs, that is -- will profit from all that seeping gas, and at the same time provide a vital service: saunas, jacuzzis, mineral baths, and all the other amenities that go along with a first class spa...” 

Pompkeneter interrupted, “These will be first class establishments modeled on the finest American...spas. And good for the environment, you know? Something everyone needs, and the whole public will enthusiastically endorse and make ample use of.” 

Blomee added, “We’re gonna be a much more relaxed nation having put our gas to good use. Americans will thank us for turning smelly old landfills into luxury spas, and protecting the environment. And now we’ve got a good reason to build even more landfills.” 

Hanginzaer added, “Everyone can use a luxury spa! And that’s what Envirocapitalists are all about!”

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